May 2011. Issue 01.

We post the news no one else will, because we made it all up ourselves.

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Denis "Hopper" Is Not Whom He Makes Himself Out To "Bee"

With Gisnep/Pixar's Cars 2 in theaters all but the Toy Story trilogy have been airing in shifts on ABC, ABC Family, Disney Channel, & Disney DMX. 

But I'm forgetting another movie. A Bug's Life. Pixar's not all that stunning yet in no means terrible 2nd movie.
In it we are told the tail of 7 Samurai, I mean The Magnificent 7 a colony of ants being forced to pay protection grains to a gang of Grasshoppers. The gang's leader the cruel Hopper is played by the talented actor/director Denis Hopper.

Most kids today don't know nothing about history like what Vietnam was about or that there was even a Korean war, and they sure don't know the classics like Porky's, Animal House, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, or the Muppet Movie.
If they would have seen The Muppet Movie then they would have seen the visage of Denis "Hopper" Hopper himself in his very first role, that of the col. Sanders like 
restaurant chain entrepreneur Doc Hopper. 

This debut act of Thespianisum had Hopper attempt to recruit Kermit T. Frog as the spokes amphibian of Doc Hopper's French Fried Frog Legs and when Kermit refused his several generous yet soulless offers Hopper sent a Frog Hunter after him. 

Wanting to see more of Denis Hopper's work I went to the internet to find his discography of motion pictures and to my shock and horror Denis Hopper is actually this:

Star of The Texas Chainsaw massacre Part 2 & the Petticoat Junction episode entitled Bobbie Jo and the Beatnik.

How could he have lied to us like that for so many years?
It's like he took a big hairy shit on my childhood, and the childhood of kids who were children in the year of 1998.

Thursday, 23 June 2011

Doc & Cuckoo's STS Comics

A brand new weekly comic strip written and drawn by Doc Faustus & Cuckoo.

Shit will be had.

Friday, 3 June 2011

Retail Retardation: GODZILLA EGGS

In the mid 90s the company Trendmasters released a new line of Godzilla toys for American retailers.  The line covered a wide range from the huge and expensive electronic figures to tiny Mighty Max style play sets and featured the fan favorite monsters as well as never before seen ones who were introduced in the newer Toho produced Godzilla movies.
One of the sub lines was the “Hatchling” figures; small figurines done in a kinda cute style which came inside what is basically a plastic Easter egg (I totally got one in an Easter basket).

Now of course they made a Godzilla. Makes sense, main character plus there have been several Godzillas and Minillas, some of which we actually see hatch form an egg.


King Ghidorah as far as I know never really had a baby form like this one but it makes sense so I’ll let it slide.

 Next up is Rodan who also has been known to peck forth from the inside of a calcium cocoon.
 Speaking of cocoons here’s Mothra and… 

what the hell? He/she hatches as the adult moth form and not the cute baby caterpillar/larval stage? That’s retarded! Worm Mothra is pretty much the only reason to do a toy set like this and you fuck it up by making the thing be born a grown up? Was it some bullshit that boys wouldn’t buy it because it’s a non-manly caterpillar? It couldn’t be that because butterflies are way gayer than worns, even when you call them moths to confuse the parents.    

Finally there’s…

Huh? Mechagodzilla hatched form a metal egg as a baby robot and grew up into adult mechagodzilla? So was there like a daddy MechaGodzilla who swam over the eggs of Mrs. MechaGodzilla and fertilized her robot eggs after she planted them or something? Is it like with sea turtles what with only one of them growing to full blown Mecha-hood while the rest of the MechaGodzilla Juniors go into some other lines of work like truckzillas at monster truck rallies or Jurassic Park ride props? 

This was a stupid series. 
No Caterpillar Mothra, no Minilla, no Gigan, & none of the various stages of Hedra the smog monster.
There was a later series which added a stylized Anguirus, SpaceGodzilla, and M.O.G.E.R.A.. It dropped the hatchling theme and instead gave you a mountain with Godzilla & SpaceGodzilla’s faces on the side. 

Images found at Club Tokyo.