May 2011. Issue 01.

We post the news no one else will, because we made it all up ourselves.

Monday, 5 September 2011

The Cutting Room Floor : One

I have friends in a number of questionable professions, none more dirty than the Hollywood Cleaner.  He is called in to mop up the detritus left on the cutting room floor after the editors have been medicated, restrained and wheeled out.

Quite often amongst the styrofoam coffee cups and the crusty tissues, he finds discarded cells from classic movies.  In the first of a series, I present the things they threw away.  The scenes that could have been.  First up: 

2001: A Space Odyssey  (Stanley Kubrick - 1968)
The greatest Sci-fi film ever made. ©

1. As Dave entered the Stargate, he took his final daily before the LSD kicked in.


2. This scene was to accentuate the tedium and lack of anything to do for the crew.  It was deemed unnecessary, and potentially dangerous, when a test screening resulted in the audience developing a case of collective narcolepsy.


3. This final scene was cut from the first interaction with HAL and Dave.  It was decided that Dave would have been smart enough to have secured what he asked of HAL before leaving Earth; to think otherwise would imply he was a failure as a man.


The game of chess was added instead.

Wednesday, 3 August 2011

SHITTY CATS DO SHITTY THINGS


A recent study made by scientists based in The Future has determined that cats are in fact able to shit the Final Fantasy Shrine Forums down the toilet.

There were no cat anuses available to comment.

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Denis "Hopper" Is Not Whom He Makes Himself Out To "Bee"

With Gisnep/Pixar's Cars 2 in theaters all but the Toy Story trilogy have been airing in shifts on ABC, ABC Family, Disney Channel, & Disney DMX. 

But I'm forgetting another movie. A Bug's Life. Pixar's not all that stunning yet in no means terrible 2nd movie.
In it we are told the tail of 7 Samurai, I mean The Magnificent 7 a colony of ants being forced to pay protection grains to a gang of Grasshoppers. The gang's leader the cruel Hopper is played by the talented actor/director Denis Hopper.

Most kids today don't know nothing about history like what Vietnam was about or that there was even a Korean war, and they sure don't know the classics like Porky's, Animal House, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, or the Muppet Movie.
If they would have seen The Muppet Movie then they would have seen the visage of Denis "Hopper" Hopper himself in his very first role, that of the col. Sanders like 
restaurant chain entrepreneur Doc Hopper. 




This debut act of Thespianisum had Hopper attempt to recruit Kermit T. Frog as the spokes amphibian of Doc Hopper's French Fried Frog Legs and when Kermit refused his several generous yet soulless offers Hopper sent a Frog Hunter after him. 

Wanting to see more of Denis Hopper's work I went to the internet to find his discography of motion pictures and to my shock and horror Denis Hopper is actually this:



Star of The Texas Chainsaw massacre Part 2 & the Petticoat Junction episode entitled Bobbie Jo and the Beatnik.

How could he have lied to us like that for so many years?
It's like he took a big hairy shit on my childhood, and the childhood of kids who were children in the year of 1998.

Thursday, 23 June 2011

Doc & Cuckoo's STS Comics

A brand new weekly comic strip written and drawn by Doc Faustus & Cuckoo.

Shit will be had.